"I'm sorry, if I die"

   Death is an inevitable part of life. We all know that, but what we don't know is when that moment will come. And, it is that uncertainty, when and how we will die, that haunts many of us.

   Since 2005, I've used this blog almost exclusively as my means of venting about political issues. From time to time, I've veered off into the religious or even personal, but I have mostly tried to keep the posts "political". Tonight, I have to discuss an uncomfortable topic that - for me - is personal, religious, and political...all at once.

   I guess that the first thing to do is to take a trip down memory lane...

   THE 1980s

   My first memory of my mother, Starla Kay Moran (maiden name, Hunter), is of her putting eye-drops in my eyes. We were living in Germany, and I was a little bit of a hassle that day; at the age of 2 or 3. In fact, my mom needed the help of a friend to restrain me as she applied the drops. Then, I remember her and this same friend taking us kids (I'm not sure who all the other kids were) to a playground behind these German apartment buildings where we played for a while. Fast-forward a year or two and we land in Kansas. I remember living in a trailer in my place of birth (Fort Riley) and then in a decent-sized house in Manhattan, Kansas. In Kansas, more fond memories come up, especially with respect to my mom defiantly allowing us kids to watch Eureka's Castle (against my father's orders, as he hated the thought of any kids shows with witches). Also, I can remember being in the basement of our Manhattan house as my mom watched on in horror while I joyously chugged a bottle of ketchup (the thought of which repulses me now). My first day of school was worth remembering as well, as I walked there with my mom slowly following from behind in the car. To an extent, that's all that I can remember from my time as a toddler. It might not be much, but knowing that I have these memories of my mother before her health began to crumble is enough to give me a reason to smile even while life itself is looking grim.

   THE 1990s

   Sadly, this is the decade when everything went "south". Ironically, it all sort of begins when we move northward to Ohio. After coming to the "Buckeye State", the first thing that I can remember is that we moved in at my father's parents' house. Many great memories were produced there, but the one that sticks out for me was actually quite a scary experience at the time. I was five years old, and I was rather accustomed to my mother's presence by this time. However, one day I awoke to discover that she was gone. At the time, I didn't know what "work" was - as her career as a nurse's aid didn't start until we moved here -, so I feared that my mother had left me for forever. What did I do? I snuck out of my grandparents' house and began to look for "mommy". Crying the whole time (actually, "sobbing" would be a more appropriate description), I traversed three or four blocks in pursuit of my lost mom. When I realized that I wasn't going to find her, I turned around and began the slow, tear-filled journey home. After a couple elderly ladies who knew my grandmother saw me and invited me into their home or bakery (my child memory has come to believe that it was the latter, because it was at this moment that I first consumed and subsequently fell passionately in-love with sugar cookies), I would make it back home, where my grandma's wrath was awaiting me.

   Soon, we moved into our own house (where I met many of my best friends, including the Murreys). Before I proceed, it is worth noting that my life in the 90s was also marred by near-constant re-locations. After I learned what a nomad was in the 4th grade, I would actually start telling people - jokingly, of course - that we were nomads...lol. Back to memory lane, at the aforementioned new house of ours, mom and I developed a few new points of bonding. For example, when my dad would leave for his newly-acquired truck driving job, she and I would stay awake and kick off our tradition of watching "Tales from the Crypt". She would also end up buying me a few nintendo games that would become my favorite things in the world: Ninja Turtles, the Simpson Game where Bart is battling aliens, and Jaws. I'll never forget the time when my mother was trying to sneak my nasty asthma medication into my food and drinks (if you've ever had "prednisone" or "prednisolone", then you know what I'm talking about), and it backfired big-time. For the longest time, I associated that horrible taste with green gatorade and the movie "Misery" (which is what I was watching when she tainted the gatorade...lol).

  A few funny anecdotes, here. I always enjoyed riding bikes, especially downhill. Naturally, with such a passion for bike-riding comes the risk of injury. The most significant bike injury I ever had came from an incident wherein I was coasting down a hill, lost control, and crashed into a chain-link fence. Well, I ended up flying over the handlebars and hitting the fence chest-first, thus ripping my skin. Another goofy incident occurred when I was bored and playing with my mom's spring sit-up device. What happened was I took the handlebar and twisted it and twisted it until suddenly losing my grip. The next thing I knew, the handlebar spun around and smacked me in the face. After I woke up, blood was gushing from my head. In both instances, my mom fixed the problem herself, with good ole butterfly stitching. Good times...

  There was another day that wasn't so funny, though. I jogged half a block down the street to one of my friends' house, and had to turn around because of an asthma attack. In the end, my mother had to call the ambulance, and I wound up spending a month in the hospital. Many nights, I cried myself to sleep begging for my mom to be there. Two very different memories pertinent to the same subject also come to mind. First, came the day when mom announced to my sisters and I that she was pregnant. It was going to be a girl, and we were all very excited. Then, before we knew it, she miscarried. It was the first major tragedy of my life, and - in many ways - it was the first time that I can recall learning of death. The second memory is from when mom again announced that she was pregnant. This time, it was with a boy. In July 1992, mom gave birth to my brother Michael (then named David James, before Dad made her change it six months later). I have to admit that I used to think that I caused his premature coming (he was ten weeks early), as I had accidentally hit mom in the belly with a shopping cart when we were leaving Aldis earlier that day.

   Eventually, we had to relocate. When we did, it was to my friend's house. There, mom allowed me and my siblings to watch "Beavis and Butthead" for the first time ever (which would come on after she sort of tortured us with "America's Most Wanted" and "Unsolved Mysteries", both of which scared me). My sister Melissa would soon develop a cyst in her brain, which had to be removed in the next scariest moment of my young existence. I actually don't remember much about how mom reacted to such, but knowing her, there wasn't a day where she wasn't worried. Of course, it wasn't long before we moved again, this time to a little place called Sonora.

  Living in the middle of nowhere, my dad suddenly decided that he was done with being married to mom. He even told me, at the age of 8, when I was riding with him during a two-week long trip in his semi, that he no longer loved her and that he was only staying with her because of us kids. Being the quintessential momma's boy that I was, I made sure to tell my mother all of this when the trip was over. It didn't take long afterwards for my father to send mom a letter asking for a divorce. That winter, with the heat having been shut off, mom and all of us kids slept close together in a single bed to stay warm as the cold months dragged on.

  Without dad in the picture, mom had to act in our collective interests. So, we moved to Zanesville to live with a co-worker of her's. The months that ensued were a nightmare for each of us (as our roommate was a sadistic and abusive bitch). To mom's credit, she was working and going to college, so she hadn't a clue of the hell that her children had to endure in her absence. However, once she came to recognize the truth - in about six-eight months' time -, mom again had to make a tough decision, and this time we moved to Cambridge.

  Things were interesting in Cambridge. One day, my sisters and I all chose to call school and pose as mom so that we could get out of going to school. The way we looked at it, our unconscious mother's (obviously exhausted from working what were then her regular 16-hour shifts at the nursing home) inability to make sure that we went to school gave us permission to not go. Let's just say that we didn't get away with it. At this point, another funny incident is worth noting. My sister, a few friends, and I would often sled down the steep hill in our backyard towards the wooded area. I accidentally slammed face-first into a tree (after sledding on my belly and being sandwiched in between the tree, my sister Melissa, and our friend O.J.). How did my mom react? You guessed it, butterfly stitch. Plus, she made snow ice cream...wait! I just bled all over that snow, and now I was eating it?! Yeah, I was appalled back then, too. But, I still ate the ice cream anyway...lol.

   In a few months, my mom met an old friend. This cool guy, named Hank, was a favorite around the house. Well, he was until my sisters found out that he and mom were more than friends. Yeah, that went over well with them...lol. Aside of the irrational hatred that Melissa and April had developed for this new guy in mom's life, we all still loved his guitar playing and goofy songs. It didn't take long for mom to fall for him. After moving back to Newark for the first time in two years, the two were soon married. I had never seen my mom so happy.

  Back in Newark, life was getting better. At times, it was even funnier than before. I actually once forced my mom and Hank to get a new transmission for their van when I tried to start it with a sparkler. Hey! I thought that it was possible. After all, didn't that kid on "Look Who's Talking" start a car with a stick? No? My mistake.

  Then...life turned upside down...

  September of 1997, mom learns that she needs surgery to remove her gall bladder. For an entire month - as she prepared for the surgery, and as we prepared to have to move into a new house -, I stayed with the Murreys. I remembering crying myself to sleep at their house for fear that mom would die. What happened? Mom's surgery went well, and we found a place to live. Then, two months later, Kay Murrey, my second mother of sorts suddenly passed away. Not unlike my mother, Kay always put her kids first, even once telling my mother that she had to make sure that her kids had a Christmas before she even spent one penny on her own health (that's not an exact quote, but the gist of what she was conveying remains obvious). Kay's untimely passing was only the second major experience with death that I had experienced. Sure, my great-grandfather died in 1993, but I scarcely ever saw him. Plus, I was very close to Kay. Additionally, the death of their mother meant that the Murreys had to move in with their dad out of state. I was losing everything, all too fast. As an act of mercy, mom saw the depression that was beginning to overtake me and took me out of public school. She would then take a huge risk for all of her children by attempting to homeschool us herself.

  Early 1998, mom had some bad news for us. She had developed cancer in her thyroid. I was inconsolable. Losing my mother was again a real danger, and I was only 12. Fortunately, her surgery removed the cancerous thyroid, and it seemed as if the goofy looking second smile (the scar on her neck) that the surgery had left her with was the only thing that we had to worry about. We were wrong...

  In lieu of her thyroid (which was only infected with cancer to begin with because of her exposure to Chernobyl's fallout in the late-1980s), mom's body ceased being able to discriminate good fat from bad fat. So, everything was stored as bad fat. Her diabetes got worse, and her autoimmune disease (both of which we kids were largely unaware of until her health went out of control) did as well. As the year 2000 neared, life seemed almost hopeless...

  THE 2000s

  Mom's second marriage would come to an end by the close of 2000. Personally, I was depressed as I knew that this crushed mom, and I loved my stepfather dearly as well. In 2001, we were forced to relocate again, and mom was granted SSI by a judge with the condition that she get the bariatric surgery needed to help her get back to a condition that would enable her to work again. Speaking of work, mom demanded that I get a job when I was 15. I did, and I worked for McDonalds for six months before selfishly quitting.

  A year after I quit, turmoil struck my family again. Michael was suddenly hit and run over when crossing the street one day. Thankfully, he was right in front of the house, so we immediately called 911. His left leg was so badly hurt that the bone had actually pierced through the skin. Mom was beside herself, as her baby boy was mutilated. He was sent to Children's Hospital, and we managed to visit him regularly only because of a little charity that we established to get help for the gas money. Within a month, mom's persistence led me to get another job, which I kept for two years.

  It wasn't until 2005 that we had another legitimate scare. Mom's doctor at the time told her that she would have a year left to live if she didn't get the surgery that she needed to get her health back under control. I, in showing my strong dedication to her, diverted most of my attention from everything else in life - including college - to help "save mom". In fact, much of this campaign (which I had dubbed "Operation Save Mom") was shared here on this blog. We wound up getting a lot of attention, from our elected local, state, and congressional officials, and from the local media. Sadly, mom never got the help that she needed with her surgery, and the issue slowly died; even if her dwindling health never ceased to be an issue.

  In 2009, less than a month after I returned to college, mom found out that her cancer had returned. This time, it was in her uterus. OSU Medical Center performed an historectomy (sp?), and we braced ourselves, hoping for the best. This time, the cancer refused to go, so mom then had to endure the unthinkable; chemotherapy and radiation treatments. It didn't take long for her hair to fall out. Never before had I seen my mother without hair. I couldn't believe my eyes. Also, watching her in agony as the regular treatments seemingly crippled her was more than I could handle. Hearing mom cry herself to sleep became a normal experience for each of us "kids" whenever we were around.

  NOW

  I'm ashamed to say that my schooling this time around has been so time-consuming that spending quality time with mom has been a privilege that I have rarely been able to enjoy since 2009. In essence, such time has been reduced to an occasional one-to-three hour long conversation between us wherein mom just lets me vent about the idiocy of Repugs pertinent to whatever was going on in the news at the time. Furthermore, it is during these many conversations where mom and I discuss my rapidly changing views about religion and politics (with the political increasingly moving to the left, and the religious point of view becoming more and more areligious). No, mom wasn't always in agreement with me, but she listened, and that was all that counted my eyes.

  Late last year, things again took a turn for the worse. Following a brief period of time where mom was told that her cancer was in remission, her cancer would again become resurgent; reaching her spine. Then, mom was told by OSU that they wouldn't be able to treat her anymore until she lost some weight. So, her cancer was now free to roam without a fight. In a couple weeks, she was told that her life expectancy was no more than six months...that was about 4-5 months ago.

  In January, my wife and brother set out to help take care of my mother. She was completely bedridden as of then, and was released from the hospital on the condition that someone be at home to be with her. Despite all of their hard work, Pam and Michael couldn't give mom the help that she needed. So, in mid-March, my Aunt Vicky came to Ohio from Missouri and convinced mom to go to the one place where she never wanted to be; a nursing home.

  A few weeks ago, it came to my attention that mom was told that she would no longer receive any treatments, because the cancer has apparently progressed beyond the point of control. In other words, the game was over. The other day, I accidentally came across a movie that mom used to love watching with us when we were kids, "Batteries Not Included". It tore me apart, and I literally cried myself to sleep after telling my wife (through the tears) that I have come to accept that my mother is dying. Today, I received a phone call from my sister April. She was crying, and she wanted the family to come to the nursing home. My wife, our kids, and I visited mom, along with my siblings and mom's parents. After our visit was over, April convened the family in the waiting room and revealed some of the worst news I've ever received. Hospice has been paying close attention to mom. They told April that mom was refusing to take her pain medication, and that she was beginning to hallucinate. According to them, these are the tell tale signs of a person entering the first stages of death.

  I was holding it together, albeit with much difficulty, until April told us what mom said to her. In discussing her failing health, mom recently - probably as recently as today - told April: "I'm sorry, if I die". Her dedication to her kids is so limitless that she actually feels as if she has to apologize if she loses her fight against cancer. Even now, I'm having trouble sharing this without "losing it". For 14 years of our lives, that is more than half of my lifetime (and I'm the oldest of mom's children), the possibility of losing mom has been a perpetual reality. Now, this dreaded day is all but upon us.

Tonight's Conclusion

  Death is never easy to deal with, but it's especially not easy when it hasn't been a regular part of your life. I knew that losing loved ones would be an experience that I would have to get used to as I grew older, but to lose my 49 year old mother is not what I expected.

  Growing up, I would regularly utter a selfish prayer imploring the one I called "god" to protect mom from death. First, I would ask that mom live long enough to see me graduate. Then, I wanted her to live long enough to see me have kids. When I had kids, I prayed for her to live long enough to see my kids graduate from high school. As you can see, I just kept kicking the proverbial can down the road. Well, until I converted to agnosticism.

  When I was an infant, I had a life-threatening asthma attack. At the time, we lived in Germany, and my mother carried me - in the rain - from place to place in the hopes that someone could direct her to a hospital. Thankfully, she found one for me, but even if she hadn't, I'm sure that she would've died of pneumonia before she would've given up on looking for help. That's the love of my mother, in a nutshell.

  Sometimes, I hate the fact that I can't reasonably believe in "god" anymore. Reason being, that prayer would've been perfect for moments like this. A few weeks ago, I visited my mother after work. It was just her and I. We were discussing the recent bad news pertinent to her not getting anymore treatments, and then she asked me for a favor. Knowing that I am no longer a Christian, she asked me to pray for her. In fact, she was begging me to do so. What did I say? Nothing. I couldn't find it in myself to falsely assure my mother that I would abandon my lack of belief in this "god" so as to plead for her life. It's not that I wouldn't, I can't.

  When I changed my religious beliefs last October, it sent shock waves throughout my immediate family. Why? Because I had always been the go-to guy with respect to religion and "god". Mom used to regularly ask me to say a prayer for her back then. So, it makes sense - in a way - that she would ask me to do such now.

  I have no doubt that no time in my life will be as trying as this moment. Mom was my first best friend, and she has been my most devoted fan ever since. With every major accomplishment in my life, she has been there. What am I going to do if I have to graduate without my mom being alive? I don't know, because I seriously can't imagine an existence absent of her.

  Mom, you should never have to apologize for not having the ability to live on. If anything, it is I who should apologize to you if I can't manage to live life with the same passion and devotion to loved ones as you have all these years.

  I love you, mom.

TAKE CARE

A Worldview As Seen Through Agnosticism

The past five months of my life have been interesting, indeed. As of October 2011, approximately twenty years of my being a Christian finally came to an end. Converting to agnosticism after a rather long battle with myself over the conflicts of my erstwhile faith with my love of knowledge (as documented in my myspace blog, of the same name as this blog), I came to accept - once and for all - that my faith in "God" was dead. Moreover, this change of religious beliefs also impacted another aspect of my life; my political philosophy.

Therein lies the reason that I'm discussing this rather personal aspect of my life here, on good ole' Xanga. You may have noticed that recent blog posts have been a little more abrasive towards religion and the stranglehold that such has on our progress as a species. Well, that is because I've finally begun to see the world's future as one that can move beyond the influence of blind devotion to religion.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not an atheist, and I may never be one. This is because there is one clear difference between atheists and agnostics; the former explicitly says that God doesn't exist, while the latter acknowledges that they can't prove such either way. Okay, so I don't believe that there is a God, but that's a far cry from saying outright - beyond a reasonable doubt - that there isn't one. In fact, my belief in God died largely because I realized that I could no longer rely on that "faith" to serve as my proof that God does exist.

And, just as we agnostics know that we can't prove God's existence or nonexistence, it is my sincere belief that truly free and democratic societies must move towards agnosticism as an official approach to religion. No, I'm not saying that every participant in government should abandon their beliefs, but rather I'm saying that government should formally acknowledge that it may never know - with certainty - that there is some supreme being. How is this different from secularism? Well, secularism is meant to make government completely indifferent to religious considerations, but that position seemingly - at least in my view - conflicts with the need of government to serve the best interests of the people by applying the findings of science to the perpetual mission of government to improve the human experience. In other words, how can government truly have an appreciation for the contributions of science if it were to one day prove that there really is a God? That's why I believe that agnosticism as an official "state" position on faith is a better approach.

Radical, I know, but it's just my opinion.

TAKE CARE

Partying Like It's 1965!!

   Better yet, make that 1865. Yes, that's right, I'm talking about the era immediately following the Civil War, because we're apparently relitigating the entire debate about civil rights in this country. With voter suppression measures being adopted wherever the Repugs have control, with the rise of Super-PACs further eroding the people's voice in our policymaking process, with some on the right proposing that the people be stripped of their right to vote for their representatives in the U.S. Senate, and even now with some Repugs expressing their wishes that food stamp recipients and/or renters be denied the right to vote, it is clear that American democracy is in danger of reverting back to the more oligarchical, elitist, faux-democracy that once existed in this country well over a century and a half ago when only property owners could vote. Even so, the threats to civil rights also extend to what seems like an all-but-certain reversal - via the grossly overconservative Supreme Court of the United States - of the highly-controversial, yet societally-important affirmative action program that President Kennedy created to help promote diversity. Sadly, that's not all...

   As it turns out, women are the primary targets of this new teabagger's America (just look at all of the anti-women bills proposed in Congress and in all the Repug-controlled legislatures since last year). I've been wanting to comment on this for quite some time now, but it appears clear to me that I can remain silent no further. Wedge issues are essentially the political equivalent of Napoleon's "divide and conquer" military strategy, and that is the only reason that women's privacy rights are being thrust into the forefront of our national - and, increasingly, state-based - political discourse. No rational person seriously believes that women shouldn't have access to contraceptives, and that is even progressively becoming the case with respect to the right to choose (that's the right to abort, for you narrow-minded nitwits out there). Simply put, women are being used as political cannon fodder so that one party can defeat the other by diverting the attention of the masses - with the help of their emotions - from the real issue at hand; the economy.

   And no, this isn't just the case right now, but rather it has been the case ALL ALONG. Sure, it's arguable that the issue of women's rights is being used by both the Obama Campaign and their detractors for the same purposes of distraction. On the one hand, it can be said that Obama and his campaign wants to use this debate to keep the electorate's mind off of a weak recovery (despite such getting stronger with each passing month). On the other hand, it can definitely be said that the Repugs are utilizing the same debate - which they are attempting to define as one about a supposed "war on religion" as well as about "personal responsibility" (meh) - in order to distract the electorate from the fact that the economy is getting better. However, we've seen this show before!

   Remember 2004? The economy sucked back then too, and there was also the-then increasing unpopularity of the Iraq Occupation. What did BOOsh and Company do then? They used wedge issues - in that case, the manufactured panic over same-sex marriage - to give the people permission to forget that they were - in fact - worse off than they had been four years prior. That might not have been about women's issues, per se, but the point remains the same; Repugs sought to divide the masses with their tendency to turn on one another over "values".

   Obviously, I'm not of the opinion that Obama needs to distract the people with the contraception debate. However, even if he did intend to, the fact that the Repugs took the proverbial bate is far more disturbing than the notion that such bate was used to begin with. Are we really re-debating these issues in 2012? Are we really allowing outdated belief systems and their out-of-touch religious institutions to dictate our policies? Doesn't this just reek of pseudo-theocracy?

   Moreover, it must be asked whether or not these Repugs - forget the Catholic Church, because I could care less what they think - truly understand how contraception works. Speaking as someone married to someone who has had to use contraception quite a bit over the course of our marriage, I can honestly say that the use thereof is not restricted to anti-pregnancy efforts. Contraception is oftentimes used to help regulate out-of-control menstrual cycles, regardless of the desire to have children. Then again, does it even matter why someone would want to use "birth control"? No!

   It's 2012, and it is seriously ludicrous that the American people continue to allow the religious beliefs of a few to enslave the rest of us. If a woman - or man - wants to have sex outside of marriage, that's her/his damn business! Likewise, if that person wants to engage in relations with a member of the same sex, again, that's none of the government's business! As for abortions, we must get past this elementary mindset that a fetus equals a person (come on, do we jump the gun in like fashion by defining egg cartons as flocks of chickens?) and leave it up to the person carrying it to determine whether or not they want it. Women are smart enough to decide for themselves how they want to live their lives. If the shoe were on the other foot, I guaran-damn-tee that none of this would be an issue.

   In fact, I would be willing to bet that if every man on earth were to suddenly wake up with the ability to get pregnant, not only would contraception and abortion be forever protected...THERE WOULD BE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS EXPLICITLY SAYING AS MUCH! Oh yeah, and the Equal Rights Amendment would've been ratified within months of its proposal. I'm just saying that all of this controversy is needless. No, actually it's downright moronic. At a time when the 99% of us who are being forced to carry the weight of the privileged 1% should be uniting to regain our voice and restore the strength of our economy for generations to come, we're arguing about the goddamned pill.

   Oh yeah, it must be said that if religious institutions don't want to comply with secular labor laws, then they should stick to preaching their beliefs in the privacy of their churches, synagogues, mosques, etc., and leave education and other services to the institutions designed to respect the rights of all. This is also what irks me about the same-sex marriage debate. Religion and Government should exist completely separate from the other. If you don't want to provide contraception as part of your healthcare plan, then don't offer healthcare. The same thing goes for marriage, if you don't want the government to recognize all marriages between legally-consenting adults, then it's time for the government to stop recognizing and incentivizing any marriages. Otherwise, get the fuck out of the way, because the winds of change don't care about your homophobic, sexist, love of the good ole' days.

Tonight's Conclusion

   Yes, this debate can be mind-numbingly stupid at times. But, it's here for a reason. Those looking to turn the American people against one another on issues that have been settled for a generation or two are only trying to prevent the people from being laser-focused on strengthening our hand and making this country more responsive to our collective needs. We must wake up and thwart the use of these weapons of mass distraction, as they are only useful in ascertaining the continued survival of the status quo.

TAKE CARE

It's a Brand New Blog

   Things are fixing to change on this weblog of mine. I've been a member since late 2005, and have been proud to say so everyday. When I joined, it was because one of my best friends had suggested this site to me partially out of the hope that I would join and help him push back against all of the conservative garbage advanced by his friends and associates where he lives. So, I obliged.

   It was out of this attempt to help debate and even inform the Repugs that I originally framed this weblog as a means for yours truly to compile a ton of articles and then summarize and comment thereon with each entry. The end result was that I would spend a week, month, or more reading and "pretyping" my entries so as to deliver a book's worth of reading each time I posted something. Then, about two year's into my membership, I became increasingly plagued with setbacks that led me to delay these criminally-long entries; especially after my first born joined the family. Likewise, after I started my second run with college (which I'm more than halfway finished with), my ability to continue posting entries in this fashion continued to suffer.

   What has happened in the traditional entry's stead is that I've chosen to occasionally post a comment about controversial matters, or about some video or idea that I had conceived. So, from here on out, this weblog will transform to permanently serve as my means of commenting on current events, as opposed to researching, summarizing, and commenting on such all at once. Now, I'll still share articles, but it will be at the end of every entry (just before the "Tonight's Conclusion" section) in a way that merely hints at what will be seen, read, or otherwise viewed by selecting the provided link.

   However, before I go and bury the monstrous summary approach once and for all...here it is...one last time.

What You Missed: 2009-Now

   Healthcare:

 Thanks to the brave Wendell Potter – a former executive in the health insurance industry, who has gone to great lengths to expose the heartless nature of our healthcare system (including his own role in attempting to preempt the social impact of Moore’s “Sicko”) – we now know that the industry was very much involved in the national conversation on how to reform it all; even going so far as to help the soulless conservative media by supplying them with industry-approved talking points.

   Do you remember that one point during the healthcare debate when Repugs were seriously attempting to suggest that they – yes, they – were trying to save Medicare – the program they opposed and have repeatedly tried to kill since its implementation – from those terrible Democrats – the party that GAVE US MEDICARE -, because Obama’s proposed reform plan was going to gouge the program? Yeah, people are finding out slowly that that was nothing less than hot air. As a matter of fact, Paul Ryan – the de facto Congressman-in-Chief – plans to reduce Medicare – which some of them apparently believe to be a form of “tyranny” - to a voucher program…after he privatizes Social Security (with some help from Teabagger rising-star, Rubio and corporate lobbyists). Grandma, even if you have to wear your dead relative’s false teeth in lieu of adequate Medicare coverage, the GOP will simply sit idly by and laugh at your grief.

   For those of you who thought that the public option failed to gain traction because of a lack of public support…think again. The out of touch, idiotic forces against the so-called “government option” were organized ten-fold against any serious effort to control the cost of healthcare. Many senators – which were where the hold-up was – were reluctant to support the proposal simply because of their campaign contributors. What’s equally funny is that Congressional Repugs were opposing their OWN IDEAS! LOL!!

   Why not reform a system wherein one can get denied coverage for being a fat baby, a kid with pimples, an HIV patient, or a rape victim? It is tragic when a supposedly “third world” country is capable of providing better healthcare than the “wealthiest” nation on Earth. What’s funny is that, at one point – long before I was born – Repugs actually felt that a national healthcare plan was the right thing to do.

   One of the reasons that the lackluster – largely Repug and secretly beloved by the insurance companies – healthcare reform law is still widely opposed is because of the fearmongering employed by the right-wing and their propaganda tool; Fox News. I mean, come on, Obama was said to be attempting to drive our veterans to a predetermined death via some “death book”, as well as supposedly plotting to do the same for the elderly. Wait, isn’t it the conservatives in the media whom are suggesting crazy things such as willfully allowing a doctor to mangle you without having the right to sue or that a hospital be able to turn you away to save money? I wonder why healthcare seems to be worse where the states are a more reddish tint…

   Global Warming:

   I really do get a kick out of the right-wing’s insistence on LYING about global warming; such as the absurd narrative on the “right” that the presence of snow disproves as much. For fuck sakes, the MILITARY even acknowledges the threat thereof, and climate change has already started changing the oceans! Sean Hannity is actually one of the funniest conservatives in denial to watch, seriously.

   The Great Recession:

   The recession ended in 2009, and we have President Obama’s stimulus to thank for that.

   Repug Corruption:

   Quite the classy guy that Repug replacement for Senator Kennedy – who owes much of his gratitude for winning to those chums at Fox News - is, turns out that he opposed helping 9/11 victims with respect to their health (as a member of his state’s legislature), and *gasp* didn’t think – during the campaign in 2009 – that the bailed-out banks should have to pay the money back. Oh yeah, a real people’s champion!

   Over the course of the past two years, two names have become synonymous with the 21^st Century Right-wing conspiracy: James O’Keefe and Andrew Breitbart. Tell me, is it a coincidence that their “victims” – including ACORN - so far have been interests that normally help…you know…black people?

   The War to Terrorize:

   In a memo from former BOOsh Counselor John Yoo (who was arrested a few years ago in Italy for his pivotal role in devising – alongside other neocons – the vast and ineffective “24” inspired torture scheme); it was unveiled that the Regime that should never have been wholeheartedly felt that BOOsh – as the Supreme Leader – reserved the right, maybe even the responsibility, to deploy federal troops on American soil, in pursuit of Americans, as well as to suspend the First, Fourth and Fifth Amendments of the Constitution in response to terrorist activities that they deemed “domestic military operations”. Why the catchy “military” label attached to these acts of terrorism? Well, apparently that served as their chief justification for BOOsh employing his stolen duty as the former Commander-in-Chief in order to infringe upon the inherent rights of Americans to legal counsel, privacy (by seeking to spy on Americans without warrant as early as two weeks after 9/11/01), free speech, religion, and press. When attempting to dissect their reasoning – or lack thereof – you find a proponent mindset of a notion that in the event of a major catastrophe (such as a terrorist attack), the office of the President assumes an unbridled role as Dictator. Conclusion; from September 12^th, 2001 through January 20^th, 2009, George Walker Bush J.R. was your Authoritarian, Autocratic Dictator!

   Obama feels – as did BOOsh – that he reserves the right to retain controversial video as well as photos which reportedly depict rape of prisoners in our custody, to detain “terrorists” or those suspected of fitting that profile indefinitely – even if they’ve been acquitted of the terrorism for which they’re accused -, without judicial oversight, and that those who torture (sometimes resulting in the deaths of the tortured and thusly endangering the lives of Americans) – or even unmask covert agents - should not face prosecution. Furthermore, he feels that if they are tried, that he should retain the unconstitutional military commissions erected by BOOsh. He should heed the warning of UN Investigators who caution against violating our obligations to uphold national and international law. Unless his take on National Security was developed by John Rizzo, a complicit accessory to the questionable tactics born out of the BOOsh Regime, who remained on as acting General Counsel to the CIA after Inauguration Day. It doesn’t help matters that the so-called liberal media opposes any viable effort to confront these issues. What change did we receive on November 4^th, 2008 again?

   Right-wingers threw a temper tantrum about a DHS report that addressed a disturbing issue involving how veterans of our dual occupations in Asia are regularly targeted by the EXTREMIST right-wing groups, such as white supremacist groups, primarily for their extensive training in the use of Urban Assault Weapons and their access thereto. The media’s right-wing lunatics have gone so far as to assert that this was both an intentional bashing of our military and an attempt to divert attention in the media from the mock tea parties. Do they realize that Obama and Napolitano had nothing to do with initiating this internal assessment? It was BOOsh and Chertoff!! LMAO!! Then again, this is evidence of an ongoing trend wherein the right chooses to willfully ignore the consequences for their own alarmist rhetoric.

   A big argument utilized by neocons, in defense of waterboarding (as mentioned before, an ineffective and destructive tactic – just like warrantless wiretapping -, according even to a former FBI interrogator named Ali Soufan, who interrogated – by traditional FBI means - one of the three men officially waterboarded…not to mention, Rummy himself), is that it was “only” used on three people. However, there is evidence that the use of waterboarding had been insisted upon by officials as powerful as those in Darth Cheney’s former office, maybe even the sith lord himself, after our takeover of Iraq. A number of interrogators even reportedly threatened to quit over the controversial and illegal techniques; much of which were borrowed from China. Hmmm, I wonder how many times the former Regime’s internally divisive tactic was REALLY used. Of course, we may never know, especially because of the media’s preoccupation - at the time that this story was hot - with scapegoating Pelosi on the issue of whether or not she was briefed by the CIA (despite the fact that the agency has a documented history of lying) whenever this particular technique surfaces in discussion.

  You know, I had really hoped that our nation had passed the days where the propagated capture of terrorist suspects was suspect in and of itself. However, it is apparent that the purported 2009 capture of a group of so-called terrorists in New York was blown out of proportion. The suspects may have subscribed to anti-Semitic beliefs, but their crimes weren’t politically motivated and they never had the intent of committing a criminal act on such grounds. It appears as if one of the suspects may have been slightly mentally handicapped. Boy, I’m glad that terrible threat was curbed!

   In a confidential meeting with Congress, Admiral Mullen, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff declared that Pakistan  (a nation upset over the escalated effort in Afghanistan) has increased their nuclear arsenal, with no particular specifics has to by how much said increase has been. Furthermore, it also seems possible that the aid they’ve received in exchange for their “cooperation” in combating terror may have been used to fund such.

   Isn’t it odd that though Democrats are supposedly so terrible at protecting the country, it’s Dubya himself who has the worst record with respect to such. About three years ago – whilst starting out my year-long mentally tormenting experiment of listening to Talk Radio – I heard Sean Hannity make some bullshit claims about Pres. Clinton not responding to terror attacks committed against us during his tenure, and you know there is evidence to the contrary. The idiot also FALSELY claims that Clinton was offered Bin Laden on a platter by Sudan. These people can’t even get their reactionary policies right; for instance, consider that one Repug has repeatedly attempted to ban from entry into this country every person from a “state sponsor of terror”, despite the fact that most of the attacks perpetrated against us are from citizens/nationals of countries absent from that list! LMAO!! In a way, I kind of get why some of these neocons are hoping for another day of terror…Obama’s making them look…weak.

   Foreign Relations:

   Remember the hostage taking by Somali pirates? Care to know the root cause or primary motive behind said hostage taking or - at the very least – the participation in piracy? In the wake of the Somali Government’s collapse in the early 1990’s, Western World governments (mostly European) started capitalizing on the absence of a governing power that would keep watch on that nation’s shores by dumping toxic (mostly nuclear) waste off the coast of Somalia while simultaneously stealing Somalia’s chief resource; fish. An impoverished, poisoned, and starving people who – in part – resort to piracy as a partial means of self defense…hmmm…who’d a thought?

   Oh Israel, why are you desperately trying to get the world to approve of an attack on Iran? Hey, I get it. They hate – and fund terrorist efforts against - you, you hate them, but does it make your case any more credible when you manufacture damning documents that are meant to scare the world into action? Iran is not a threat to our national security, and that’s that.

   Other:

   By the way, the Second Amendment is probably the one amendment to the constitution that IS secure.

   No need to worry about our president being a socialist; his policies are barely tough regarding the enforcement of anti-trust laws. Instead, his administration – as was the case with BOOsh’s – trusts the larger companies of an industry to make such more “efficient”. Additionally, when was the last time you saw a socialist coddling so closely with someone like the CEO of GE; whose company actually got a little help in the stimulus, or appointing a former corporate agribusiness VP to the FDA, or receiving their greatest campaign contributions from a bank that has openly admitted to secretly betting on a mortgage crisis that was accompanied by same said bank’s promotion – as AAA rated – of investments they – again, secretly – felt were bad? Not to mention the fact that he kept his promise to cut taxes for the vast majority of Americans! While we’re on the tax cut subject, can we say it together? Tax cuts for the rich only hurts – not helps - society.

  Is it safe to say that the anti-government/Big Brother mentality has gone far enough? Just look at what it’s brought us: a suicide attack on an IRS building – which killed a man whose life had been about far more than collecting our taxes -, a reemerging militia movement, telling sitting Senators to “get hung”, holocaust museum violence, domestic terror attacks on congressmen, nationwide threats to our Governors, veiled threats of civil war as advocated by rambling radio nuts, dangerous attacks on Obama supporters, numerous threats against the President himself, and a near-assassination of a sitting congresswoman, all the while attempting to act like it was they (the right) who were victims of attacks. Even the religious nuts in this country have attained a new status of…nutty…by both subtly and not-so-subtly praying for Obama’s death.

   When they weren’t threatening the government, the right-wing nuts were threatening the people supporting the government. From death threats against the SEIU…

   One little note to the Teabaggers who may have forgotten where the present debt crisis originated, look at Obama’s predecessor. No, SERIOUSLY, look at BOOsh, because it sincerely is his fault. One more thing, those Repugs in Congress that you nitwits keep supporting…aren’t ALWAYS opposed to idea of that dreaded stimulus from three years ago.

   I support earmarks, if there is genuine justification for such. However, there are certainly times when certain approved projects make no sense and even border on DANGEROUS. For example, the decision to build a dangerous-pathogen site in the MIDDLE OF TORNADO ALLEY!

   When are we going to admit that the anti-immigration position – advocated even by the private prison industry - is one borne out of racism (as is the opposition to President Obama, to a large extent)? I mean, how far does this really have to go?  As far as I’m concerned, just as our ancestors unjustly ousted Native Americans from the original 13 colonies, the Southwest actually belongs to Mexico, because IT WAS MEXICO before our imperial tendencies led us to launch an aggressive war against them. Does illegal immigration need to be tamed? Certainly, but the system is broken, and reform is a necessity!

(Other...and dated) Articles of Interest

1)      http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/jonah-goldbergs-liberal-fascism-frau : Debunked myth that the World War Two era fascists were Liberals…

2)      http://crooksandliars.com/greg-palast/katrina-four-years-later-expert-fired : Katrina disaster cover-up?

3)      http://crooksandliars.com/logan-murphy/limbaugh : Oh yeah, I’m sure you know by now that Limbaugh is a racist…lol.

4)      http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-j-wilson/businesses-can-now-legall_b_480028.html : Citizens United could actually allow your employer to force you to vote for their candidate…

5)      http://www.democrats.com/node/21526 : Note to Conservatives...quit trying to claim that MLK was on your side…it’s embarrassing you…LMAO

6)      http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/public-pensions-deep-trouble-republic : Dated caveat about public pensions…

7)      http://crooksandliars.com/nicole-belle/rep-trent-franks-suggests-blacks-had : Slaves had it better?

8)      http://crooksandliars.com/jon-perr/richest-400-taxpayers-see-incomes-double : With numbers like this, can you avoid joining in the outrage?

9)      http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/rush-limbaugh-has-his-fascism-all-ba : More on the lie that Liberals produced the Fascist movement…

10)   http://crooksandliars.com/john-amato/scott-brown-voted-against-helping-out-9 : Scott Brown voted against the heath of first responders who sacrificed on 9/11…

11)    http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/study-bush-administration-blocked-att : BOOsh tried to prevent the law from staving off the mortgage crisis…

12)   http://tbogg.firedoglake.com/2009/06/22/the-only-good-muslim-is-a-dea-oh-this-is-awkward/ : Extremist anti-Islam…

13)   http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/todays-history-lesson-how-brownshirt : Even more debunking the Liberal Fascism bull-puckey…lol

14)   http://crooksandliars.com/nicole-belle/utah-has-now-made-miscarriage-crimina : Real BIG Government...

15)   http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/pissed-florida-urologist-obama-supporters-g : Denied healthcare for your political views?

16)   http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/booming-industry-fights-30-percent-na : So, there’s a profitable purpose for denying the unemployed reentry?

17)   http://crooksandliars.com/david-neiwert/gingrich-and-nonexistent-16000-new-i : By the way, the claim that the Healthcare law would produce an army of IRS agents…yeah, not true.

18)   http://crooksandliars.com/jon-perr/like-bush-obama-subpoenas-ny-times-reporter : BOOsh wasn’t the only one looking to attack investigative journalism…

19)   http://crooksandliars.com/susie-madrak/employers-push-contract-employment-sa : Rise of the Temp/Contract-service economy?

20)  http://crooksandliars.com/nicole-belle/rachel-maddow-corners-rand-paul-his-e : If Sen. Paul would’ve had it his way, bars would still be able to segregate…

21)   http://crooksandliars.com/john-amato/terry-savage-tries-expalin-her-attack-y : Free lemonade is socialism? LMAO

22)  http://www.infrastructurereportcard.org/state-page/texas : Texas, not such a great place to live in…

23)  http://www.californiaprogressreport.com/site/texas-budget-deficit-shatters-myths-about-californias-deficit : Also, Texas should forever serve as an example of why one can not be both a budget hawk and anti-tax…

24)  http://crooksandliars.com/jon-perr/americans-incomes-sank-after-bush-tax-cut : BOOsh’s tax cuts DID NOT create economic prosperity…for all…

25)  http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/new-documents-show-bush-administration-plan : Just confirming what we already knew…

26)  http://motherjones.com/politics/2011/03/gop-bill-irs-abortion-audits : What is it with these Repugs and trying to get the government in your personal business?

27)  http://www.scam.com/showthread.php?t=21120 : Avoid anything you see or hear from Mr. Porter Stansberry…

28)  http://briandeer.com/vaxgen/stansberry-fraud.htm : Like I said...

29)  http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/heather/rachel-maddow-more-guns-does-not-equal-les : I was so grateful that Maddow discussed this…

30)  http://crooksandliars.com/karoli/new-evidence-vote-hacking-emerges-ohio-2004 : Yep, told you so.

Tonight's Conclusion

  It has been a great journey so far, and I look forward to what the future brings as a blogger on Xanga. Thank you for reading.

  Until next time...

TAKE CARE

Something's Happening Here...

   What has 2011 been if not the year of populist uprising? Not surprisingly, the media is falling all over themselves in their attempts to convince the public that this is nothing special. Contrary to what they would have you believe, this isn't some random or ill-guided outburst of anger as perpetrated by dirty, uneducated mobs. Instead, what we have here is the rebirth of democracy; TRUE DEMOCRACY. Yes, the democracy that Hobbes would've preferred that you fear and that Aristotle regarded as "illegitimate". Is it possible that humankind is finally embarking on the next step of our societal evolution? Are we finally in the position wherein the people - a.k.a., the masses - taking the reins is not only inevitable, but is acceptable and imminent as well? Just look at how badly tainted our polity has become thanks to the interests that ascertain that their concerns are addressed at our expense. No, we've never been a perfect polity, but the natural tilt of societal evolution is towards democracy and it may well be so that this transition is going to begin now...whether the status quo likes it or not.

   In order to not be left behind by this moment in history, I urge you to stand up, join an effort, and help move this country - and perhaps the rest of the world - forward!

Until Next...

TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS